A big problem with feeling constantly anxious, is that we separate from our precious selves. We mentally check out and leave our five senses, intuition, logical reasoning and the present moment.
The worrying thoughts take over and we forget to breathe, feel our feelings and notice the simple pleasures in life. For a person with long-term anxiety, this becomes their daily normal. This was my normal, in stints, until I hit my mid-thirties.
And the tricky thing is, we can be self-aware, spiritually growing and still be essentially, disconnected from our bodies.
What happens when we get caught up in our heads is problematic because we’re being played by the negative messaging being broadcast from the ego-mind. We lose touch with other cues and reminders that we’re safe, worthwhile and free to choose our thoughts. Fear, worry and dread become the dominant emotional states.
When I first began reading about the benefits of meditation and more specifically, being present, I got it on an intellectual level and I thought, yes, but that’s for people who are easy-going and calm. I was neither. I was a control freak and although I may have looked calm on the outside, I was a mass of churning anxiety and preparedness for the worst. My stomach is tightening, just at the memory.
At 27, I was seeing a psychologist to help me process and recover from the ending of my first marriage, which had occurred two years prior. Yep, divorced at 25. I distinctly remember my lovely and very experienced therapist saying to me: “Don’t you ever slow down? Do you ever stop and smell the roses?” I think I may have just looked at her blankly, because I honestly had no idea what she meant. My life revolved around speaking fast, thinking fast, walking and running fast and most of all, making snap judgments about everything and everyone. This is how my anxious mind worked.
The part of me that sought out a meditation course and yoga classes in my mid-twenties, didn’t really understand just how much I needed these tools to merely keep functioning. It took a couple of children and a lot of self-imposed, early mothering stress, to finally break me. When my children were around one and three, I realised that I had to commit to daily meditation and a weekly yoga class, to retain some semblance of sanity.
The part of me that sought out a meditation course and yoga classes in my mid-twenties, didn’t really understand just how much I needed these tools to merely keep functioning.
Meditation is my medicine
So I did it. Every afternoon while my kids were sleeping, I sat on my bed with pillows propping me up, and forced myself, very painfully at times, to meditate for 30 minutes. I was pretty bad at it, in that I spent plenty of time trying to stop thinking and ruminating but nonetheless, I did it. One of my early strategies to bring myself back into the present moment, was to actually just start again. I’d open my eyes, move around a bit, resettle on my seat and then close my eyes and try again, with the intention of calming my mind, by staying in my body.
It worked a treat and although for years, I still felt like a beginner, meditation helped me to feel calmer and more positive within days of starting. It’s really that powerful.
Fast forward sixteen years and I’m still meditating, but in different ways and with different requirements. I now have only one teen still at school, and I’m working, so my lifestyle and stressors are different. I love incorporating movement into my meditation practice. Going for long walks, dancing and stretching are options that I combine with regular seated meditations. And what I’ve discovered is this: The capacity for presence does not have a limit. We can become more connected with our bodies and with the present moment, to infinity.
And it’s not really about getting better at any of this, it’s about surrendering into the present moment with more ease and fluidity and becoming more and more kind to ourselves. That’s all. The main message here, is that we don’t get very far when we separate from our bodies and get caught up in the monkey business of the mind. Particularly when it’s feeding us lots of negativity and fear.
To be of an anxious disposition is the lot of many of us. To make choices each day that soothe and comfort us without leaving the present moment or our own precious selves, is a wonderful way of addressing it.
For assistance with cultivating your meditation practice or for general advice about handling anxiety, please feel free to get in touch with me and book a session. I’d love to be of service to you. There are also plenty of amazing meditation apps you can use to bring more variety, wisdom and pleasure to your practice. My favourite is Insight Timer.
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