You’re not too sensitive my love – A letter to myself at twelve

Hi dear one. It’s me, older you. I’d love to spend a little time with you, if that’s okay?

In the last few years, I’ve learned so much about how we function and thrive. Now that I’m fully embracing how wonderful it is to be a sensitive soul, I wanted to reach out.

Here’s what I’ve worked out so far:

• We have an incredibly perceptive and creative brain
• We’re highly intelligent, empathic, detail-focused, deep thinking and idealistic
• We’re naïve, charmingly innocent, and take things on face value
• Although we’re not great at lying, a part of our masking strategy is to be inscrutable, so perhaps we could get away with a little fib here and there
• We’re definitely vulnerable to being pranked and take playful teasing too much to heart
• We are petrified of getting into trouble and have a habit of making up silly stories in our heads about being wrong or bad in other people’s eyes

We love time alone and crave it incessantly. It’s why you get up at 6.30 to eat breakfast before the rest of the family shuffle in, and why when you’re overwhelmed and angry, you run down the street and hide in the bush until you’ve calmed down. It also explains why you enjoy long baths, swimming solo in the pool and dancing in the lounge room with the doors closed.

We have an incredible capacity to feel the pain, sadness and happiness of others. You take such joy in your friends’ successes and good news. The tricky part, is you’ve come to believe you need to solve other people’s problems. This is because feeling their pain can be really rough, and you’re trying to soothe yourself, as you soothe them. The trouble is, nobody likes a know-it-all and you can sometimes come across as superior and paradoxically, aloof. The perceived aloofness stems from how you must eventually shut down and go within, to protect your overwhelmed nervous system. On the outside it looks like you don’t care. I know you do and that inside, you’re struggling.

Please know that your deep sensitivity is a very precious gift.

It might help to know we’re part of a neurodivergent family with traits of Autism and ADHD. We have more of the Autistic traits but there’s definitely some ADHD in there too. It’s all connected to the heightened sensitivities you have to sound, smells, visual stimulation, clothing textures, new places and new people. Remember how much you hated going on holidays and to parties, meeting new babysitters and being in crowded, noisy places when you were little? Remember how woollen jumpers itched and skivvies choked? How you hate wearing hats?

It’s also to do with being clingy with Mum, being unable to speak around strangers but a chatterbox at home. Slow to learn how to catch a ball and do a cartwheel, yet able to remember all the song lyrics on the radio. Those screaming, crying fits that were labelled temper tantrums are Autistic meltdowns.

You quickly learned how to be a good friend at school, because you’re an excellent mimic and very observant. What you may not yet realise, is how stressful it is to have to concentrate so hard to seem like everyone else, and pretend you know what’s going on, when you’re still processing what happened five minutes ago. You see, we’re slow processers – well, slow in the context of the neurotypicals. We’re quick to perceive and feel, but slow to mentally absorb and make intellectual sense of things. It’s because we’re taking so much in. We experience the finest details, via every sense, including our intuition, in every waking moment. It’s exhausting but it’s also highly valuable.

As I’ve matured and learned how to use these heightened awarenesses in a coordinated and grounded way, I’ve come to understand that I (we) have spiritual gifts of intuition, channelling, healing and guidance.

What I want you to know, is that we must take care of these gifts and nurture them. We weren’t meant to work a full-time job in a regular company, or climb any sort of corporate ladder. We need time alone, yoga, meditation, sleep (8-9 hours), comforting environments that are quiet, uncluttered, naturally lit and close to nature. Good simple food, often.

Alcohol and drugs, including prescribed medications aren’t good for us. Use them minimally. We need to walk outdoors every day, dance, sing and gather loyal, caring people around us. These people include our partner and close friends but also complimentary therapists and a community of like-minded women.

The gifts of kinesiology, flower essences, Reiki, Osteopathy and Body Talk have supported us immensely for the past 35 years. And here’s the thing, we’re so wise, we discovered the benefits of kinesiology at only 18!

I now support people with spiritual guidance, healing processes and counselling as a channel. I’m celebrating my Autistic identity and can see how my Autistic traits are powerful allies in using my spiritual awareness. It all makes better sense now that I know more about my (our) brain.

What I want you to know above all, is that you’re okay as you are. You’re wonderful. Please be gentle with yourself and follow your inner voice. You’re naturally wise and perceptive beyond your years but you also need more time spent in quiet places and less pressure to succeed.

I won’t say anymore, I don’t want to spoil the adventures ahead.

Much love always,

54 year-old you xx