If you’re sensitive, you’ll get this
Look, I honestly thought I would have an average, comfortable life. That’s what I was aspiring to. An interesting and fulfilling career as a psychologist, a husband and two kids. A nice house and a holiday now and again. That’s it. Simple. Humble. Respectable.
Oh my goodness, the universe had something else in store. It all began with a pregnancy and birth that rocked my world and then the overwhelming demands of mothering (with no understanding for two more decades, that I was neurodivergent). And then, not only did I have to mother but other relationships had to be maintained too! It all felt too much. Here’s what I wrote as a 39 year-old, reminiscing on the early years…
Me as a young mum
There I was, a mum in my early thirties. It was a time where outlandish notions like getting out for a walk on my own, having a haircut, or, hold the front page, doing the grocery shopping without baby in tow, felt like living it up. My baby was my world and I loved him intensely, but I wasn’t so good at spending any time looking after myself or letting others do things for me.
Not much changed when our daughter came along. In fact, with a newborn and a toddler, I found even more to do as ‘mummy’, and I found it even easier to push away thoughts about what I wanted and needed for my own happiness and wellbeing. I certainly loved being a mother and felt so grateful for having two healthy children, but I wasn’t really enjoying my life. I felt stressed every day, putting silly amounts of pressure on myself to keep a perfect home and have perfectly healthy and well-behaved kids, and I didn’t really take a sensible amount of time out for myself.
Things began changing for me a year or so later, when they were both toddlers and, bless them, still sleeping for a couple of hours in the afternoon. I finally listened to my intuition and, reminding myself about the Buddhist meditation course I’d attended at 25, I began meditating for half an hour while they slept.
Here’s what daily meditation gave me within a week of starting:
- A rest from my over-active mind
- Connection to my inner wisdom and calm centre
- Renewed faith in my own goodness and adequacy
- Better patience with my children
- Insights regarding who I am at a deeper level, and what my true passions are
- Some much-needed perspective on what sort of mother I was trying to be, amid the confusion of learning who I really was
What I’ve learned since then, is that meditation needn’t be a big deal. I often just sit and simply focus on my breath or on the feelings in my body and the sounds in the space around me. The biggest hurdle for many people is in reaching the understanding that this is definitely time well spent. I’m here to tell you, you’re not being lazy or wasting time by carving out time to sit still and do nothing. You’re being a responsible and infinitely wise adult.
Another barrier that emerges, is the fear of what may come to the surface when we meditate. You might discover you’re depressed, anxious, deeply dissatisfied or even, big shudder, angry. Meditation certainly clears away the obstacles to self-knowledge.
With regard to actually doing this meditation thing, if you find sitting in silence completely excruciating or would prefer to meditate with some support, then guided meditations are just the ticket. I love Insight Timer App (2023 edit, there were no meditation apps in 2009).
Meditating in a group is a powerful way to experience a deeper and more sustained meditative state. There’s great power in groups of people, and when we sit in a circle with other people, all focusing on stillness and peace – wow – the effect can be life-changing. If you can’t find a group to join, maybe think about starting your own group with a couple of friends.
I began teaching meditation in my small community because I wanted to get better at it and become more disciplined in my daily practice. I enjoyed running this group for four years and then handed it to a dear friend to continue. By leading this weekly group, my commitment to my own practice grew much stronger and I would now say that meditation is my most treasured self-care tool.
Back to 2023
So that was where it all began and I’m really grateful to that 35 year-old me who chose meditation as her self-healing practice. And to the forty-something me, who started a women’s meditation circle in Dunsborough. Alongside walking and yoga, meditation has been an absolute mainstay in my self care for the last 18 years.
It’s also formed the basis for my confidence to grow in my spiritual coaching work and my development as a channel. Stillness speaks volumes if we give it the opportunity.
It’s time I brought women together to sit in circle and support one another again. My online spiritual mum’s circle is beginning in September. Click here to learn more. I’d also love to create an in-person women’s group sometime in the future. Let me know if you’re keen.
Much love,
Tricia
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