When I was a kid, I used after-school TV to help me regulate or possibly, repress my emotions. I was a fairly anxious, sensitive child, with beautifully developed coping skills. In other words, a ‘good girl’. Television allowed me to zone out, be amused and process the day without having to think or engage with other people.
It felt like my safe place.
I enjoyed school but most days, I think it put me in sensory overload. Social anxiety, emotional and sensory sensitivities and a deep fear of disapproval, were all bubbling away in the background. ‘Cos gawd, it really is a jungle in those places. And although I looked fine to the casual observer: smiling, neat, obedient, friendly, good grades, popular. And on the whole, I was pretty happy, it was a fairly delicate balancing act. Hence the need for “I Dream of Jeannie”, “Inspector Gadget” and “Fraggle Rock”.
Children’s television was born with my generation and it was a bit of a social experiment. A lot of what we watched had received the input of educational experts and was thoughtfully created. Even so, it wasn’t viewed as the healthiest of pastimes, hence the mantra of seventies parents, “Turn that off now, square eyes”. But I absolutely loved it and everyone my age has fond memories of getting up early and eating rice bubbles in front of Saturday morning cartoons. Plus, I did lots of other healthy things like bike riding, playing outside with my brother and the neighbourhood kids, and dancing and singing in the lounge room.
What I’m exploring here, is mistaking the avoidance of our feelings by filling our lives with distraction, with true emotional wellbeing. Because the truth is, the more anxious and stressed we feel, the more likely we are to seek mental stimulation that distracts us from our worrying thoughts and negative self-talk. Screen-based entertainment takes us out of ourselves. It’s delicious distraction and addictive avoidance served on a silver platter. All pretty and colourful with guaranteed happy hormone release at the end of each segment. We all get sucked into this cycle because the people creating the technology and the content want us to. Why? Because when we’re hooked on stimulation we’re more likely to mindlessly spend money.
Moving right along…
How do we know when we’re suppressing (deliberately pushing feelings away) or repressing (unconsciously avoiding feelings) while simultaneously telling ourselves we’re fine?
When we’re doing any of these things:
- Spending way too long on our screens
- Buying stuff and then regretting it later
- Constantly blaming others for our bad moods, problems, physical issues, stress levels…
- Claiming we lack adequate time for sleep, relaxation, exercise or socialising
- Getting over-involved in other people’s problems
- Saying we’re feeling overwhelmed, burned out or exhausted
So, what’s the solution? To feel better and be more emotionally regulated which, just means to feel calm, safe and in-control of your reactions, there’s a few things you could try. Top of the list for me is always meditation. Sit still and feel your feelings for at least five minutes in the morning and then again at night. Be present for yourself and have the courage to be honest about how you feel. Also:
- Walk barefoot every day
- Spend time with a cat, dog, horse, or any animal really
- Learn some calming breathing exercises
- Jump into the ocean or have a warm sea salt bath
- Put on some music and dance
- Create some art, just for the fun of it
The other things I’d suggest are the usual self-care gems of sleep, movement, support from loved ones, decent food and doing things that bring you joy.
You could also find a therapist, energy healer, massage therapist, yoga teacher or someone else, to give you some extra attention and tools to smooth the road. You already know what’s good for you, so listen a little closer to your heart and pull yourself up when you feel the urge to distract rather than feel.
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